The Jackie Chan Show
by Eric and Derek
Summary: Jackie Chan has his own show and his guests are people from FF7. What isn't there to love?


**21st April 2005**

**The Jackie Chan Show.**

Rather odd, to say the least. Jackie Chan (possibly the coolest humanoid) meets some of the coolest characters in the gaming world (except for Hojo- he's naf). R'n'R and we might see some more cool people joining Jackie (think the Turks).

Warning: Contains some spoilers.

* * *

"Welcome to The Jackie Chan Show! This week we have Cloud, Sephiroth, Hojo, and Vincent." The announcer's voice blared out as the opening credits rolled on the screen, "So, let it begin!"

A round of applause thundered across the stage as Jackie Chan walked over to his chair. "Hai! And welcome to my show! Let's have a warm welcome for our first guest- Cloud Strife!"

Another round of applause followed Cloud across the stage, who then sat down by Jackie. "Hello, Jackie." Said Cloud, a little less than enthusiastic.

"Hai! Cloud!" said our hero, shaking hands with our kinda- hero. "So, you're here to settle some problems with an old acquaintance, correct?"

" Yes, I am Jackie. He is evil and I hate him, even though he's so cool. Did you know, I used to look up to him as my _hero! _I certainly don't anymore, though, no doubt there. I am so over that!" said Cloud, determined to be correct.

"Well, today you can finally solve the problems of your troubled, not to mention, very confusing, past. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome… Sephiroth! Come on, have a seat, Sephy! Can I call you Sephy?" asked Jackie as Sephiroth walked on stage in handcuffs.

"Well, actually, I'd rather you didn-"

"Oh, good! Thanks, Sephy!"

Sephiroth sighed heavily and muttered something about masamune.

"How could you!" Cloud burst out.

"…What?" said Sephiroth, with a smirk on his face.

"Don't play dumb with me! I thought you were my friend, well, more colleuge… Ok, Ok, commanding officer and role model. The point is: you betrayed me!"

"Did not!"

"You did! You went all evil, and burned things, and took over my mind, _and_ you killed my girlfriend!"

"Oh, yeah… that… I mean: Oh yeah! Well, err, she deserved it!"

"How!"

"Oh, come on! She, like, sold _flowers_!" replied Sephiroth, struggling for a response.

"Ooooh! That's soooo evil! Whatever did I see in her!" cried Cloud, sarcastically, "Anyway, she's an ancient, what do you expect?"

"…" Sephiroth replied, with an evil glare aimed at Cloud.

"You went on an evil rampage!" Cloud continued, ignoring Sephiroth (a very dangerous thing to do). "Burned my hometown, attacked my present girlfriend and… summoned meteor!"

"Yeah! Well, you deserved it to! I found out my mother was this freakin' alien/ monster thing, and you didn't even comfort me! Some friend, oh, sorry, _colleuge, _you were!" Sephiroth retorted, angrily.

"One- isn't your mother that one Vincent likes? What's her name? Laceration? No… Luntretias? No, that can't be right…"

"Lucretia?" Sephiroth suggested.

"Yeah! That's it! Anyway! One- isn't your mother… that lady! And two- err… YOU'RE EVIL!" cried Cloud.

"Well, one- how the hell was I supposed to know! And two- Just bring it!" cried Sephiroth, simultaneously breaking his handcuffs, drawing masamune from nowhere (FF10 style), sprouting a wing and flying about five feet in the air. "I shall take you to the promised land!"

" I shall avenge you, Aeris!" said Cloud, drawing Ragnarok and looking rather uncertain after seeing Sephiroth breaking the cuffs. "…Again."

"Err, we'll be back right after the break!" said Jackie, accompanied by a scream from Cloud.

* * *

"Welcome back to the second half of the Jackie Chan show!" the announcer blared out.

"Hai! Welcome back! For the second half of the show we have our new guests!" said Jackie, walking on stage. He kicked Cloud's head off the set where vultures promptly carried it off. Somewhere backstage there were screams and manic laughter from Sephiroth. "… Anyway, please welcome Vincent Valentine and Hojo… Hojo!"

Vincent flew on stage doing his little back flip thing and Hojo hobbled on with his arms behind his back.

"So, Hojo, you're the mad scientist hat's Sephiroth's father, correct? How does that feel?"

"I hadn't really thought about it… pretty cool I guess!" Hojo replied.

"Ah, enlightening! And Vincent, I believe you have something to say to Hojo?"

"Yes! Hojo, I hate you and want you to die, THEN go to hell and be in eternal agony… that's it."

"Heeheeheeee! What have I ever done to you?" Hojo giggled like schoolgirl he always wanted to be.

"Well! You _did _steal my girlfriend, have a child with her, experiment on both of them, and when I told you off you shot me and put chaos inside me."

"Neither I nor Shinra inc. can be held responsible for the deaths, experimentation on or mysterious absence of family, friends or loved ones." Leered Hojo, "Anyway, she was better of with me!"

"No! She loved me! You couldn't even pronounce her name until I taught you! She must be avenged!" Vincent said, angrily, whilst drawing the Winchester, "Die, foul scum!"

"You can talk, _Turk._" Hojo sneered, before a large bang sounded. Hojo fell to the floor, dead as a hobnob.

"Turks are merely misunderstood! We have feelings to, we just don't show them!" Vincent sniffed.

"I'm sure you're right, so lets just put the gun away, nice and calmly." Said Jackie, nervously.

"No! I like I! It's shiny, look!" exclaimed Vincent, thrusting the barrel in front of Jackie's face.

"Oh! Will you look at that! Heheheh!" Jackie laughed, looking very scared. "I know! Why don't you show it to Sephiroth! He's backstage!" (Another scream came from backstage.)

"Oooooh! Good idea!" Vincent said, skipping off, his depression miraculously lifted after seeing Hojo dead on the floor.

"Phew! Well, that was an episode you don't see everyday!" Said Jackie, whilst the vultures circled Hojo, screeching. "Join us next week, same time, same place, for the Jackie Chan show! Good-bi!"

"Sponsored by 'The Vulture Sanctuary'"

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Please review! I want to write a chapter with the Turks in, but it might not happen unless you review! 


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